BBQ, Shortstop & The Doctor

So last night I went to a BBQ with shortstop at his friend’s house. I was so nervous to meet a bunch of people it was insane. You know me, belle of the ball, everyone’s best friend…yet I was nervous. I got there a little late & didn’t eat a THING there, because everyone already had eaten. Thankfully, last night I ate a piece of string cheese.. I am sure the pounds of salt I have been inhaling the past week have made up for it. But honestly, who gets invited to a BBQ & doesn't offer their guests any food or anything to drink for that matter. Thankfully I brought something to drink or I would have been pretty bummed out.

Shortstop met me out front and introduced me to everyone. I couldn’t name 3 names if I wanted to. He stuck by my side for the first part of the evening. Then the crowd split and I was in a circle of women gabbing about hair, pregnancy, and periods. Brian then exited stage left & went & talked cars with the boys. I had a good time. I like his friends. I really didn’t get to hang out with HIM a lot though. Like I get it, you want to hang out with your friends, at their house, but come on- I really don't know these people.

I was totally ready to leave, but shortstop was at this point, in the garage with the boys looking at the engine of some sweet car. I don’t know. It was funny. But thankfully he came out to check on me, and I told him I was ready to get going. He walked me out to my car and we talked & made out for a bit & then I took off. I told him I wanted to go to his softball game on Friday (he's been inviting me for over a week). Which I think will be fun because I know some of the girls who will be there.

I didn’t get to actually talk to him about my Ex though. I really wanted an opportunity to tell him about that so he could really know me, and so that I can potentially bring him around people and not have someone say something inappropriate. Some of my friends, though they mean well, are not the most impressive around new people. I guess I have time.

I get back into my car after making out, and there’s a text from THE DOCTOR asking me if I was up, and if it was too late to chat! So I texted him back and told him I was up. He called me (OMG BOYS STILL DO TALK ON THE PHONE) and we were on the phone from 11 until after 1 am. He’s pretty awesome. We laughed, and we shared a few stories, and we set plans for Saturday. I am really excited to hang out with him. He seems really cool and down to earth. He runs… uh-ho this girl does NOT RUN. I barley walk fast… But that’s a minor detail. I am sure we are going to laugh all night, because that’s what we’ve been doing since our first conversation.
So. Boys. Boys. Boys. Boys.
What’s a girl to do with so many boys & such little time?

Plus 2 dates in one weekend? I’m exhausted just thinking about it. Is this what “putting yourself out there” really means???

Doctor’s Orders

Today something wonderful happened. I feel kind of horrible about it, but what is a girl to do. I have been knocked off my feet & thrown for a loop.

There I was just minding my own business, being me & I get into a conversation with a man who is as funny & he is flirty. Did I mention he’s a doctor? Did I mention he asked me for my phone number 2x before I gave it to him?

YES MOM A DOCTOR ASKED YOUR BABY GIRL OUT ON A DATE!

Hilarious, funny, witty, charming, DOCTOR.

He said he would give me a call & we could set something up later this week.

I bet you are asking yourself, what about shortstop? Weren’t you just going out with him on 2 dates & saying how great and amazing you feel?

DOCTOR.

How can a girl say no when a doctor asks for her number?

If I could have told myself this a year ago...

If the me of today could write the me of one year ago a letter filled with some advice it would go a little something like this.

Things I wish I knew before I lost my mind.

The break up happened much later than it should have.
My ex was lying & cheating on me through out our whole relationship.
This angry person that you turned into will go away.
You want to still be friends? Give it a year-or two. (Bet you change your mind)
I am never going to get my money back, so don’t front any final bills.
Move out immediately- no one breaks up & lives together & is happy.
Split everything.
Make a fresh start for yourself.
Stay very busy
It’s ok to be alone.
It does help to have someone who is going through the same thing, at the same time.
Do yourself a favor, whatever that may be.
Surround yourself with positive people.
Never date anyone your sister doesn’t think is cool, and who tells you they hate your mother.
Chances are if your family & friends think they are a douche bag, they are a douche bag.
Be the one to move out, take what is yours & no souviners.
Trust your instincts, they are always right!
Make a fresh start for yourself.
It’s ok to cry & cry & cry & cry
The nightmares end
One day you will have to recall your ex to your memory
Avoid anything that might bring you 2 together for a while
I wasn’t the first one to move on.
Not being the first one to move on hurt more than the fact that they moved on.
I learned so much about myself this year it was insane
FEEL your FEELINGS
Don’t take their calls after you get all of your stuff back.
Move on by moving on with out them
Buy new stuff & redecorate
Spend their birthday doing something awesome for your self
Go on a trip to see your friends alone
Immerse yourself in friends & family
The first holiday season alone is HARD, but at least you are with your family!
Stay very busy
Shut yourself in a few days
Just do the things that make YOU happy for once
Say yes to every invitation you can.
Listen to music, all your favorites, even if it’s just the angry tracks
Don’t let yourself go
Join something to better the world!
Put your ipod on & walk all over the place
Sometimes you can only remember the good times & not the bad times.
There were too many bad times, that is why you broke up.
Still can't recall the bad times, call your best friend- they remember.
Get some plants for your new place
You are going to date again
You are going to have many “reasons” to call, text, email your ex- DON’T!
Separate yourself from their family & friends.
Friends come from out of nowhere, like super heroes when you need them the most.
Give yourself a make over
It’s going to be ok
Living alone rules, you can eat whatever you want for dinner.
You’ll be fine
You can do this
Dating is crazy fun!
Find a new hobby that involves your hands. Painting, knitting, cooking, pushups
You weren’t happy & you were never going to be happy unless you made this change
You are happy now.
You really are worth it.
You learn to do a lot of things by yourself & that’s awesome
You end up wearing that perfect outfit & getting noticed for all the right reasons.
Put yourself out there as much as possible.
Kiss a lot of frogs.
The first time you are sick, and no one is there to drive to get you medicine sucks, but you’ll get over it & stock up for next time!
Do everything you can to create permanent distance for a year
Lien on your family & friends – they are waiting to help you
You deserve happiness!
One day you wake up & you are happy.
You are happy now.

Dinner Date, my choice.

Well I guess it wasn’t just me who felt a spark on our first date, because shortstop wanted more. He asked me if I wanted to join him & his brother at a baseball game. I love going to baseball games, but I wasn’t ready to meet his brother yet, not after one date. I politely declined and said I wanted to get to know him first before I met all of his family.

Secretly, I couldn’t be more pleased that he wanted to include me with his brother so early on…

We decided on a dinner date, and this time he was coming to my town & since it was my town I get to choose where we go to eat. I picked a place not too fancy & not too cheap. Just a local brewery where we could go & get burgers, drink a few beers & have fun. I had just bought a new dress the previous weekend & planned on rocking it out. I can’t lie to you, I looked amazing!

Shortstop totally noticed too. He’s one of those guys who stares at you, all the time. We had a short blip when we met up at the bar, because this bar actually has 2 bar areas and I was on the opposite side that he was on. Oops. But dinner was fun, so we decided after we were done eating to go to the bar & have a few drinks… plus there was a baseball game on… and someone was dying to watch it.

We were the only people sitting at the bar, so the bartender & shortstop were just aloud to go on & on about the baseball game. While they were talking, shortstop put his arm around me. It felt really amazing. I can’t tell you the last time I was shown physical attention in public.

The evening ended when the baseball game ended. He walked me to my car, which was blocks away from his & kissed me good night, it was a little more intense than the last time we kissed. I was feeling amazing.

Piece of Meat

Well the day finally came. DATE NIGHT. Can you even believe it? I couldn’t, which is why I was freaking out & every one of my girl friends was calling & texting me to make sure it was going to be ok. I even had to give my best friend my date’s cell phone number, incase this weird boy from the internet didn’t turn out to be so awesome after all.

I really tried to take my time getting ready, and tried to not get nervous. I poured a glass of wine & took it slow. I had to be sure to walk my dog a lot to burn off some of the excess energy that I was building up inside of me. I curled my hair to perfection and my makeup & outfit looked flawless. The only problem was I still had an HOUR before I had to get going. I didn’t want to drink another glass of wine, I was driving… so I watched TV, paced, & busted out the vacuum.

I still ended up getting to the meeting place early & he was late. I ordered a beer to calm my nerves. Then he showed up. I could barley look him in the eyes because I was so nervous. I did notice however, he was eyeing me up like a piece of meat. It kind of freaked me out. I couldn’t tell if he was thinking this was a good idea or not.

As promised, my first bathroom break I texted my girls with the update. He was good looking, his arms were awesome, he was tall, he had an adorable smile—yeah I was having a good time.

The evening progressed, & knowing that I had something to do early the next day, I ended the date. Now comes the moment of truth. He walked me out to my car & we had an amazing kiss good night. I would say we more made out against my car for about 20 minutes. I guess he had fun too. It was so amazing to kiss someone, plus he was an amazing kisser.

I am on a cloud right now.

First Date Jitters

So shortstop finally got the opportunity to ask me out. I’ve been putting it off, and I’m not sure why. I guess because I am kind of nervous. I don’t know how to act on a date, & I really don’t know what to wear. What if it’s weird? What if it’s awesome? I’m such a confident person in so many aspects of my life. I’m really good with meeting new people, generally… but this is different.

We settled on meeting at a place in the middle of where we both live. I am going to work on what I am going to wear & what I am going to say.

I have 3 outfit choices. One of my best friends is going to come over & check out the goodies, and I am going to take photos & email them to my other best friend. I need to know what works best.

There’s no way that my first date as a single girl, is going to turn into a whirlwind romance…right? Right. I am so the queen of over thinking everything.

Is it weird I am Googling conversation topics, & obsessively looking at dating advice online. I am freaking out. F-R-E-A-K-I-N-G O-U-T!!!

We have great conversations on the phone & my thumbs hurt from all the texting, so I am sure it’s going to be fine.

I need a glass of wine.

Friends With Out Benefits, Bitter Loves Company

I am sure you reach a point that all of your friends take a deep sigh & consider hitting ignore when you call once you have gone through a large break up. It must be hard for them to hear you go on & just repeat yourself.

Do they really want to hash out the last few days, weeks, months, years that you spent with your ex? Just wondering if you could go over it one more time that you might figure out where things went horribly, terribly wrong.

Do you really want to hear all of the “I told you so” conversations that happen when you dump your douche bag ex. I mean I guess it did make sense, that when your ex doesn’t get along with all of your friends & your family that something was wrong.

But I had a ray of sunshine flow onto me one day. Because, not really thankfully, but thankfully I had a wonderful friend who was going through the same horrible break up. It was like a gift from the universe. Someone who wanted to be bitter & bitch just as much as I did, someone who was going through the same nervousness with dating & trying to be a single person.

My friend also happens to be the opposite sex and good looking. When my other friends started noticing that I was hanging out with this guy- I got a LOT of raised eyebrows. But I have a LOT of guy friends, just not a lot of them tend to be single & bitter as well.

But it’s great, and I hope that the next time I have to go through something major- I have someone who is going through it with me. Isn’t that horrible?

Cheers to you my bitter, hot, friend with out benefits. I hope I was there for you a quarter of the amount you were for me.

Batter Up

So I guess I picked someone to try out dating with. He’s got a lot of what I look for, physically. He’s my classic go-to fox. Tall, bigger/built & bald, it just makes me swoon. I don’t know what it is, but when the sun glints off the top of that shiny head, I melt. I am not sure why though sexy bald men always do something weird with their facial hair though.

This guy is the TOTAL opposite of my ex. He’s an electrician, he owns a Harley, a boat, & he watches/plays/eats/breathes a lot of baseball. From this point on, I think I am going to refer to him shortstop.

My phone has been blowing up for days. All of this texting, all day long. When are you supposed to work, sleep, eat or talk to your mother?

I’m enjoying the attention, that’s for sure.
I’m kind of overwhelmed, but in a good way.

So now it’s time to talk & see if we want to go out.

FREAKS & Checked Bags

When you are dating at a certain age, aka anywhere after 25, you are going to be dealing with a lot of baggage. Your baggage & that potential dream date you are eyeing across the park. You just have to set some limitations as to what you want to put up with.

Some people just want what they want. Sometimes that can be as simple as saying they only want someone who is really, really into cats. Sometimes that something is more—like being really into weird sexual situations.

I think if you are talking deal breakers- PUT IT OUT THERE. If it’s something you really want, that’s kind of out there go on & sing it to the mountaintops!! Don’t wait until 4 months in & then slip in. You might not like the reaction of the other person.

I have found that FREAKS do let their freak flags fly. If you are THAT into something, you really NEED to address this issue right up front.

There is so much to sort through. There is so much to consider with myself. How much do I even care?

Who’s to say that I find this “perfect” person, we click, I can handle their baggage & then my past sends them packing.

I have some big dirty dramatic baggage, but I guess in some way, doesn’t everyone? Or at best, doesn’t everyone think that their drama is the most dramatic.

Let it fly, let me know, let’s talk about this together & choose a path.

In Case of Emergency.

I just had a mini break down today. I had to fill out a form & when it came to adding that special someone I blanked. Who should I have contacted in case of emergency?
Had you asked me that 2 years ago there would have been no question whom that contact was. I almost freaked & put my ex down. I mean though we ended on a bad note, they still did know my thoughts on what I want done with my organs & how to get a hold of my family…

I can’t put my ex down in case of an emergency.

Oh My GOD I don’t have an IN CASE OF EMERGENCY contact.

Inhale
Exhale

OH MY GOD I DON’T HAVE AN IN CASE OF EMERGENCY

I live in my dream town, so far away from most of my friends & all of my family that if there was a true emergency it might take them too long to respond.

Inhale
Exhale

So at almost 30 years old I had to choose the only person who has never let me down. The only person who will answer their phone day & night. I wrote down my daddy.

Exhale.