Sunday, November 28, 2010

The end of an LD Era.

When left alone too long I start to move on. It’s really interesting to look back at my thoughts of a year ago when I was dating so frequently & try to analyze it here today for others to look at.

LD has been very underwhelming lately. It’s been a lot of broken dates, a lot of broken promises and a lot of alone time.

I should have known better with him, but I put on the blinders & told myself he was different. I thought he could have been the one, because he was so fun & he said all the right things. But he was just as I had feared. He was almost a mirage. He was an opportunistic guy.

Unfortunately, I think he might have been dating someone while he was dating me. Or maybe they were on a break? I’m not sure. It’s not the bliss I was looking for and I seemed pretty OUT of his loop. Sure, he talked about me while he was talking to other people, but there were gaps-long gaps where I felt ignored.

Then I noticed he was listed as “in a relationship” on the face book and we hadn’t spoken about anything like that. He wasn’t all into his FB either. He’s not an internet guy. He’s a hunting guy. He’d rather be outside. So how long was this status up there? I really don’t know. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t have anything to do with me though.

This is kind of gut wrenching. I wanted it to be about me. I wanted it to be that girl. But I put on the blinders; I called a friend & told her that he was listed as in a relationship. We both lied to me and said it was likely about me.

I was sure it wasn’t, but maybe-just maybe- he forgot to change it. It’s not like he updated his wall EVER. So maybe when he started face book he was in a relationship & forgot to change it when he got single.

I really, really want things to work out with LD. So I did what every savvy girl does. I got completely hammered with my friends over the holidays, left the room & called him. I told him that I wanted to be his girlfriend. I wanted it to be just us. I told him I had other people waiting for me, and that he was whom I was choosing. I figured in my drunken state, that he would be flattered. I was CHOOSING him!!

He started to talk & I told him to stop talking. He started back stepping, he didn’t think we were that close, and didn’t really consider us “dating”. I told him then that I was really drunk and that he should just think about what I said & I’d talk to him later.

I called him the next afternoon, hung over & ready to beg for forgiveness. He didn’t answer and I left an extremely awkward voice mail. That was December 26th 2009 & I didn’t hear from him ever again.

I have since however had to speak with him, as I knew him loosely in a professional matter. He makes jokes about how he didn’t know what to say & I told him I was dating someone else. That we started dating while him & had been dating & it floored him. It felt really-really good to shock him. He stuttered. But I got to get back at him & as trivial as that sounds, it felt amazing.

Also I have since looked at his face book again. He was in a relationship with someone else. I’m still not sure if it was the whole time. But the 2 of them are seemingly very much in love.

Good luck & good riddance. At least at the end of the day (though I was pretty drunk) I put myself out there & spoke my mind.

Lesson learned: If they are saying all the right things, it might be rehearsed.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Reacting to your exes happiness

I have come to the realization from personal events & today’s headlines that maybe people/friends/onlookers/family will NEVER get past your one big break up.

I mean if Jessica Simpson-who is totally famous- is expected to react to her ex getting engaged- 5 plus years after they broke up, then I guess I should just always expect to get a nice face punch every time one of my friends remembers the good old days. Remember that one time, 6 years ago when it was fun? Sure I do, gee-wiz that I was a great time.

It’s like I too can’t escape it, years later, my big break up still haunts me. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, dinner with friends, sporting event, bonfire-somehow it all seems to roll back to that one big break up. Even people, who I really don’t know at all, know about my break up. These people being friends of friends, people I know in passing. Like my break up was something that my friends decided to talk about when I wasn’t around to someone I really didn’t know.

I hope there was some kind of learning experience involved where I came out the princess. I always want to come out the princess.

I hope people do learn from my break up & I do try to teach my friends lessons from other friend’s misfortunate relationships. But I don’t want to talk about it over & over & over again. I blocked them on face book for a reason y’all!

Like Jessica Simpson, I wasn’t the first to move on. Jessica & I have both had a few failed relationships while our exes seem to be living the dream right in front of our faces. Though my ex is clearly dating down (I wish I could show you a pic of this pig), it still doesn’t help to know that my ex is happy without me. I mean come on- who’s happy without this? I’d like to think my ex is miserable, but that’s just me.

But to ask Jessica to react to her ex getting engaged, well I just think that’s a low blow. I think Jessica is over Nick and doesn’t care if he gets married or jumps off a cliff. I think what the hard thing is, to know he moved on first & more successfully. That’s the gut wrenching detail!

So if you cornered me and asked me how I felt that the person I used to love got engaged after we didn’t work out, I would tell you I didn’t care. Thanks for bringing it up & potentially ruining my day. Then I would go home, reflect on it a bit & move on. Sure it would throw me off for a few minutes, but come on- it’s been years now.

So let the girl be. She doesn’t care & doesn’t need YOU to remind her every time she leaves the house! That goes double for me. Leave me alone & stop bringing up my past already. I’m ready to name drop when you are the next time you are ready!! Remember that one time in college that YOU did that one thing with that one guy.... YUP... I do too!!!

But I guess it could be worse, I could be Jennifer Anniston.... that poor girl is never going to get a break.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Is the message always the same?

LD called me and told me his phone was broken. So he had to go to the Sprint store. I met him there and it seemed like we were there FOREVER. That place is like a vortex for time. It’s just as bad as going to the DMV, because they really don’t’ seem to care about you. People we just chatting, and hanging out and taking breaks, and we were just stuck there…waiting.

Then we went to TGI Friday’s and had dinner. Like a real, actual date. He had to call his mom while I was with him & he told her he was with me. Dinner was really good, and we had quite a few laughs. I like hanging out with him, because I don’t even have to pretend to pay. He was holding doors for me, & putting his hand on my back when we were walking. At dinner we both talked about how we aren’t going to see anyone else right now. Which is really great if you ask me. I don’t want to have to think about him seeing someone else and I don’t want him to worry the same. I tend to open up too much when he’s around. Like my mouth is a waterfall of information. I told him I was seeing someone else when we went to lunch, but I wasn’t seeing him the last time we were together.

He took me back to my car & we headed over to his house for a few after dinner drinks. I could talk to him all day. He’s just so damn cute. It’s safe to say I’m smitten. I left my necklace over there. I HATE leaving things at people’s house.

It’s supposed to snow tomorrow here which means he’s about to be even more unavailable. But I know that, and he knows how I hate being ignored. So I think it will be fine. Plus he plows an apartment complex near me, so he’s just going to have to come over when he’s done.

I feel like I am slowly turning a corner with LD. Like I am moving slowly towards the beginning, but I know I need to watch my temper & make sure to not give away all of my secrets too soon. A girl needs to have a bit of mystery still...right?