Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Things are looking up...right?

He cancelled our hang out date #3 because he wasn’t feeling well. But he rescheduled a few days later. I went over to his place & took my dog. I thought it was amazing how well he seemed to get along with my sweet little dog. It was kind of awesome. We ate pizza for dinner & attempted to watch a movie. I ate bacon for this guy. It was a great evening.

Things with soldier boy were going exactly how I figured they should. Things were going in order. We had some deeper talks about our past, and I found out he has a child. He doesn’t really like to talk about his kid, but I guess it’s really early for that kind of thing, right? I even disclosed things about my past that I had not told other people. I guess I was afraid to show people that I was (am?) damaged goods. But really, in all honestly my troubled past didn't phase him.

Yes things were going in order. Things were feeling...right with this guy...

He was going to start to get busier with school finals coming up soon, and I wasn’t looking to forward to that… but I could deal. PLUS Halloween was only 2 weeks away. I mean we were going out with my friends as a couple. How could things not be looking up?

It's a big step to introduce your friends to someone you are dating. It's a biggest step for your relationship. You are declaring to this other person that they are worthy of becoming a REAL part of your life. Not just someone you casually date, or someone you text to all day, a real part of your life.

Introductions to new people are always kind of hard on your friends too. They are instantly judging this person to see if they fit up to their expectations. Will soldier boy fit the bill? I mean did I mention we are going as a coordinated couple for a halloween party? There is a lot to think about, but for right this very second -- I'm not going to over think, I'm just going to feel happy.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Daves of Yore

I was thinking about it the other day. I don’t have a list or a little black book. I couldn’t even tell you every name of every person that I have ever gone on a date with/made out with/ had a serious relationship with. Is that strange? I mean I assume with modern day conveniences of online social networks, I am able to be found. I have been found by many friends throughout the years & even a few random, more major than minor, exes.
But what about the people who weren’t that major, I wonder if they even remember me. I have had relations with 6 men named Dave. SIX MEN NAMED DAVE. After a while I just started calling them by their #. I can remember #2 the quiet guy from my neighborhood who I met because I wanted to date his friend- but his friend was interested in my friend-so we switched, #3, the music man who I hung out with one Christmas day with his family & shortly after we stopped dating, #5 Super Dave, a good friend of my friend in college that one night our crush turned into something more #6 a Dave more recent & in this blog. But what about Dave #1, #4… I have NO IDEA! I don’t even know if there are unaccounted for Dave’s out there!
I don’t know how to contact them, call them, and find them. There are many men out there who I have gone on dates with that I don’t know how to get a hold of. Maybe that’s for the best! I have moved so many times in the years that I guess I’m not easy to contact. In a 2-year period I did move 5 times, and have changed my cell phone number 2 times. So I guess I’m not that easy to get in contact with either. Unless you can find me on the old social network, if so then look me up with Caution. I’m not the same girl I used to be, I’m much more evolved.
I wonder if it’s then normal to keep a list of everyone significant or not that you have had relations with. So when you are almost on the cusp of 80 you can laugh with your granddaughters & reminisce of the “Days of Daves of Yore.”

Monday, June 14, 2010

Pretty flowers for a pretty girl.

Flowers! He got me flowers (I left them at his apartment…oops!). They were really pretty too! I had so much fun with him. OMG, where to begin.

He called me on my way home from work to see what time I was thinking about coming over. Yeah…called me AGAIN!

So I am getting ready, and I start to get kind of jittery, so naturally I reach for a beer. Then because I really hadn’t eaten all day, I was getting buzzed off of half a beer. AHH! So I attempted to take my dog for a good power walk to work off my buzz and went over to his place. Wouldn’t you know he didn’t have ANY naked lady photos in his apartment!!! We sat on his couch & hung out for a few before the cab came & got us. He told me how beautiful I looked too. Needless to say I was melting.

We got in the cab & went out to dinner. I had some amazing chicken & a very large beer. It was a great restaurant that I had never been to before & was excited to try. After dinner, we went to a Chicago chain bar that I have also really wanted to try. He was joking with me to go to a night club. I guess it was Goth night… he has 2 friends who work there… yeah we went.

Freaks as far as the eye could see! I am talking women with electrical tape over their boobs, and men in all white masks. I actually got to meet 2 of his really good friends too. We sat at this VERY dark booth in the corner and this is when things started heating up a bit. I mean it was VERY PG 13, but yeah. Oh and I was kind of sitting with my feet up on the booth & he kept rubbing my calf, GLAD I SHAVED MY LEGS BEFORE THE DATE!!!

We grabbed a cab & headed back to his place. It was such a nice experience. I mean it was like $30 in cabs alone. I also got to walk around campus a lot, and I never really do that!

So we went back to his place & made out for quite a while. OMG I think I could end really liking this boy. He texted me last night to tell me what a good time he had, and texted me this morning to tell me about leaving the flowers.

All. smiles. Bliss. I am so happy, I can’t stand it. I wish I could bottle this happiness & share it with the world.

Sigh, this is what it’s supposed to feel like. That “I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU 24/7, BUT DON’T WANT YOU TO THINK I AM CRAZY” kind of feeling. He’s so freaking adorable.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Soldier Boy

So as quickly as shortstop & I stopped talking, soldier boy waltzed into my life. He was cute, he was charming, and he was stylish. He definitely had my attention. Ok, he didn’t waltz into my life he found me online. He was a bit older than I was, used to be in the Army & got injured so now he’s going back to school.

On our first date, we met for coffee & I totally forgot it was a date because it just seemed so natural. It was a 2 hour coffee date & my face actually hurt from smiling. I didn’t go into the date thinking about going on a date. I find that’s when I get the most thrown off.

We just had a simple hug @ the end of the date & I wasn’t even expecting it. As soon as I got home he began texting me telling me how cute & sexy I was & how much he enjoyed our conversation. He secured our next date for a weeknight & I was flying high on a wave of emotions & attention.

He had been calling me, actual conversations… NOT just texting and we had just talked & talked & talked. We talked about Halloween & how I was going to go out as a Bee.

Previously I had purchased this costume to go out with Shortstop & his friends. I had never owned something so scandalous in my life, but hearing the girls in shortstop’s clan talk about slutty Halloween costumes forced me to step up my game.

Soldier boy talked to me about doing matching Halloween costumes. Matching. He wanted to be a bee keeper. How adorable is that? I mean it’s almost sickening right? I was in a relationship for 6 years & didn’t do anything matching, and after 6 days this guy wanted to be my keeper.


Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Shine Through

It seems like the exact moment my life went to shit; everyone else’s lives took a glorious turn for the best.

It was hard to hear all of the positive things going on in my friend’s lives like engagements, marriages, wonderful work progression, babies and buying houses. It was horrible, but I couldn’t feel happy for my friends. I felt left behind. In my soul I knew I was happy for them, I just couldn’t see past my shattered life to see the bliss that everyone else was feeling. All I could see in their success was my lack of success. It wasn’t pretty. How as a good friend, can I hear the best news ever from my friends & not feel happy for them? That’s ridiculous.

Not being able to feel joy for my best friends & family made me feel worse. It was like a horrible downward spiral.

Is this feeling of general distaste for everything ever going to pass? Can I fake it until I am truly happy for my friends? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Why can’t the real me shine through???

You know the old phrase: fake it until you make it. I did just that. I slipped up a few times too & my friends caught me & cradled me & told me it was going to be ok. One day it becomes ok & you do shine through.

You just get so engulfed in the flames of your past that your singed eyelashes can’t see through the smoke to the other side.

You shine through though, eventually. You shine though in the best way possible. In fact, you radiate.