Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Big Night Out.

So I started getting ready for Halloween. I did my hair; I put on TONS of make-up, my stilettos, & put on the smallest outfit I have EVER left the house in. I felt good, I felt sexy, I really was giddy with excitement...
RIGHT before I left to pick up soldier boy, lunch date called. So I had to stall. He was just calling to see what I was doing & to tell me to “Be Good”. Yeah… so that kind of threw me off. I mean who tells someone to BE GOOD? Especially on Halloween with my lacking outfit, please! I had to throw this information as far out of my mind as possible & work on my night with Soldier Boy. So I politely got Lunch Date off the phone. I had other things to focus on. Like building up the confidence to walk outside looking like a whore. A cute whore, but a whore all the same.

Soldier Boy made me feel amazing once I got to his place. He reassured me with a huge smile & some comment about me being totally sexy in my outfit. OK, I was good now. Going out as a couple with Soldier Boy was amazing. I haven’t had this kind of fun & connection in a while. Soldier boy was totally into being a couple too. It just seemed to fit. So insecurities aside, I think this is something that could potentially be good. My friends liked him too. We were adorable; we posed for couple’s pictures in our couple’s outfits. Everyone got along flawlessly. He bought all the drinks. I laughed, we danced, and we entered a contest. It was a perfect night. There were a few strange slip ups, but I wasn’t going to let it get me down. I was flying sky high.
Lunch Date did text me a few times that evening. I texted him back once & then turned my phone off. I wanted to give soldier boy my attention.
The night ended & we ended up back at my place.
The morning came, my dog woke us up & he was ready to go by the time I had taken my dog outside. He had some stuff to do, he was leaving town for the day, going to a sports game or something with his friend. It was OK, I’m not too into the whole morning thing anyways & I wanted to do my own thing that day.
So I took him home, turned my phone on & talked to lunch date a while later when he called.

I am completely exhausted right now. I’m into Soldier Boy, but there are a few blaring flaws that I can’t help but notice. I’m trying to look away, but I can’t.
With that being said Soldier Boy’s issues are:
1. I really don’t think he has a car – he talks about his car, but I always drive or we take a cab or he’s on the bus. I have never seen said car in his parking lot at his apartment.
2. He’s weird talking about his son. Like it’s a secret. I don’t want to meet the kid, but shouldn’t you want to talk about him a little?

Lunch date is kind of blah, but there’s something about him that just sends sparks up & down my body. It’s not that he’s smoking hot either, because he’s totally not my type. Some people just have that air about them. I think it's his confidence in himself or maybe because he's older, established & successful. Whatever it is, I can't seem to get him totally off my mind.

I don’t see a need to make a decision at this very moment but it's amazing to feel this sexy all the time. Does it say anything about the 2 men if I can't choose one outright? Is it too soon to say? Indecision is queen!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Excuses, Insecurities & Seeing if It's Worth It.

I’m starting to hear excuses from soldier boy. Are they real excuses? Is he really busy and needing to reschedule? Did he really forget to call, go to bed early, get super busy & not have time for me? Am I projecting the failure of my past relationships onto soldier boy?

I’m trying to push it aside. Trying to lie to myself for a few minutes until I feel better. I want my friends to lie to me for a few minutes too.

Soldier boy is texting me about our big outing as a couple, with my friends, showcasing our couple, dressed in coordinating outfits. But he’s texting me at work. I can’t talk at work. When I call him back, he’s in a loud place where I can barely hear him & he doesn’t call back when he said he was going to. In fact, he didn’t call back at all that nigh.

A few nights later, things are back to normal. Flirty text messages, attention… maybe he was just not feeling well?

All of a sudden my phone rings. It’s lunch date. He’s asking me out on a real date-this Friday. I said yes, and then immediately regretted it.

I started calling everyone I knew who might be up & would be down for hearing me freak out.
Friend 1: Go for it. Soldier boy isn’t your boyfriend, and you’re not his girlfriend. It’s not a big deal…
But to me it kind of is, I mean soldier boy is going to be a BEE KEEPER & I am going to be a BEE. I want to give him this weekend to just focus on him.
Friend 2: We hash out that I need to blow off Lunch Date and focus on Soldier Boy.
Friend 3: Shoots me a text & says the same thing & to blame it on her still being in town. Since she’s in town now…
So I call back lunch date, and his phone is off so I have to leave a voice mail. Oh well, at least he knows. I really want to give Soldier boy a super shot and I know if I were hanging out with Lunch Date on Friday & Soldier Boy on Saturday I would be stressing out all week.

S to keep my stress levels down, I’m going to focus on Soldier Boy. I just hope he’s worth it.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Your Advice Is For The Birds.

Everyone is always filled with advice. People assume since I’m not in a serious relationship that I am not happy. I don’t know how many women offhandedly told me that I’d be happy once I find that special someone. I mean sure I am dating right now, but I could never measure my happiness on a relationship. Unless Prince William wants to make me queen one day… (Call me!)

It’s funny how when you become single, a lot of people treat you as less than. As in, I am less than you are, because you are married, I am less than you are because you have a child; I am less than you are because you have a long term relationship. I don’t know why people feel like they need to treat you that way. People literally talk down to me, my friends even. I mean how could I understand the deep complexities of your relationship… I’m just a single gal.

Hey, newsflash- your relationship sucks. You aren’t happy 24/7 either & you can’t do what you want, when you want, how you want- with out asking for permission. The only thing I have to worry about is my dog & he’s portable.

Please stop belittling your single friends! They don’t want your advice, unless they ask for it. Then when they ask for it, they just want to hear happy-positive-things! Maybe just pump them up once & a while, in the long run they will thank you!

Monday, July 5, 2010

Blips in attention & shiny new prospects

Why is it good things come in pairs? Why is it also that I must have 100% attention or I tend to get all silly. I know I do it to myself. Things seemingly are going fantastically and then there’s a blip. No texts on contact on Saturday & at 8pm on Sunday I finally text him. Like what are you doing? You are providing just enough time for someone else to slip in there & give me attention. That’s just what happened too, someone else grabbed my attention & he was shiny!
This someone shiny has been pursuing me for like over a year now. We know each other professionally, indirectly. It’s just been laughs & flirts here & there. Just casual, nothing serious, but he certainly has my attention. Plus add in the fact that soldier boy is making me feel a bit… underappreciated…
Well this new guy called me THREE times this weekend. THREE. Now he wants to go out to lunch. I thought about it for a long time. He’s the type of guy who doesn’t take no for an answer. What else could I say but yes. we shall now refer to him as lunch date.
So now the guilt is starting to sink in, but it’s JUST lunch. Who's to say soldier boy isn't out there doing the same thing, or worse?
Why do all good things come in pairs? Why can’t I just find one guy who completely blows my mind & keeps my attention?