Thursday, March 18, 2010

Super Fan

For the past few years, I have had a dirty little secret. I’d like to refer to this secret as my very own Super Fan. Someone who thought I could do no wrong. A man who thought I was the most beautiful creature he had ever set his eyes on. I was his very own goddess. He had no trouble letting me know either.

Anytime I needed to be pumped up, I would contact the Super Fan and get my dose of his positive reinforcement. Like most men who don’t get everything that they want from you, our talks could only last so long before he turned them in a dirty direction. Our relationship was inappropriate at best.

When I met the Super Fan, we had a direct connection, a connection that took us to being able to have a full-blown emotional affair with out anyone being the wiser. All day, all night, we were constantly connected via email & text messages. He knew more about my emotions than even I did some days.

When I was at my worst in my self-hating & in my darkest corner, Super Fan always seemed to find me. He would drag me out of my cloud of doubt & show me how shiny that I really could be.

In no way was he someone who I would have picked to be so emotionally engrossed with. I think I actually made fun of him the first time I met him to a coworker. His voice was cartoonish, his hair was unsightly, he was dressed in a suit that didn’t fit him. He wasn’t by any way someone who I would every look twice at on the street.

But then, somehow it turned around. It was amazing. It was the biggest rush I had felt in years. Yes, once, we let it go too far. I felt horrible the whole time it was going on, but I didn’t stop it. I didn’t know how to stop it. Then soon after, it was over. Distance got the best of us, and I had my sights elsewhere. I had to get the heck out of where I was at that moment, and indulging the Super Fan wasn’t going to hold me back.

Even today, I get a rush when my super fan gets in contact with me. No one has ever made me feel like such a sexy, desirable woman. I don’t know if anyone ever could. He’s the first person that I think of when I am feeling down, and whom I look to when I need a boost. Super fan, never –ever lets me down. It’s easy with him though, because he & I will never, ever be. That’s not what I want from him, though I’m sure he’d love for me to let him take it too far once more.
There was a minute when I wanted to be his one & only. Not only the object of his desires, but his number one lady. Looking back, I’m glad I never forced that.

I don’t know how he does it, but even today he still contacts me when I need him the most. We won’t talk for months, and then out of the blue-there he is.

I think everyone needs a Super Fan. I love mine & hope that in someway he is always in my life. Even if we both get married & have tons of kids, separately of course!

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