Monday, March 22, 2010

Just Me

I think I need to get to the point where I am taking my own advice. The advice I would have given to me, had I been someone else going through this. I know that what I am going through couldn’t be that bad, it’s not life ending. It’s really a blessing… right?

So I decided to go for it. To start letting myself feel my feelings. Which is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I was feeling how I thought I should act in front of family, friends, and even myself. I kept reminding myself to just FEEL MY FEELINGS.

Time to sit still & feel.

It’s hard to imagine what you can think of & how you can feel when you are left alone with your own thoughts. When you don’t have someone at your side, cheering you on. When you don’t have someone telling you that it will be ok. You know it will be ok, at least you think you do.

I cried, I screamed, I laughed and then I sobbed.

Then I realized what was really terrifying. I didn’t know how to be just me. How to just make myself happy. I didn’t know how to be just a single person. I have spent most of my almost 30 years trying to make everyone else happy, and trying to act how I thought I was supposed to act.

How exactly am I supposed to act now?

When I became just me, a single person, it didn’t make sense. I was so used to being a part of a pair. It was like my half was missing. Not that the other half made me whole, but for so long it engrossed my being. It changed me. Now I had to change again.

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