Sunday, March 14, 2010
Bridge on Fire
I got burned. Badly burned. A 5.5 year relationship sucked the life out of my soul. It felt like someone had left me naked & broken down on in a ditch. I didn't know how to get back up. I felt alone.
I was living, for the first time in my life, alone. I lived in my DREAM town. The town where I have always wanted to live in since I was a little lady. I had always thought I would have gotten here differently, maybe gone to the big 10 school & not just worked near it. But I'm here...now what?
At the beginning of my revolution all of my girlfriends were in relationships in varying levels of happiness. They all looked at me wide eyed in shock when I told them I ended my relationship. But I did it, and I think I am inspiring people to not stay somewhere where they aren't loved. I wonder if they look at me now & see how I'm doing & wonder if they can do it too. I'm sure I'm the poster child for almost 30 & single among my friends.
I actually did it, I left my relationship & that last bridge we had standing between us, I lit that thing on FIRE and ran like hell in the other direction. I adopted a new dog (since my last one was lost in the tangles of the mess between us). I tried to adapt to this new girl who was staring back at me in the mirror.
I took my dark brown hair & started the highlighting process. I stopped straightening my hair & let it be in it's natural beauty state. I bought new clothes. If I had worn glasses, I would have gotten contacts.
I don't want to say this was easy. I didn't just wake up one day & yearn for a change. Once my wheels were set in motion, there was no stopping me...even though I was desperately looking to slam on the breaks.
Could I function on my own? Hell, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep all I could really seem to do was cry & complain. I do want to thank my very best friends & my parents for helping me through this not pretty phase. I did a lot of thinking, and I did a lot of walking with my shiny new rescue dog, listening to ONLY the angry songs on my Ipod. I couldn't handle the love song yet.
Would I ever be able to handle love songs again?