Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Excuses, Insecurities & Seeing if It's Worth It.

I’m starting to hear excuses from soldier boy. Are they real excuses? Is he really busy and needing to reschedule? Did he really forget to call, go to bed early, get super busy & not have time for me? Am I projecting the failure of my past relationships onto soldier boy?

I’m trying to push it aside. Trying to lie to myself for a few minutes until I feel better. I want my friends to lie to me for a few minutes too.

Soldier boy is texting me about our big outing as a couple, with my friends, showcasing our couple, dressed in coordinating outfits. But he’s texting me at work. I can’t talk at work. When I call him back, he’s in a loud place where I can barely hear him & he doesn’t call back when he said he was going to. In fact, he didn’t call back at all that nigh.

A few nights later, things are back to normal. Flirty text messages, attention… maybe he was just not feeling well?

All of a sudden my phone rings. It’s lunch date. He’s asking me out on a real date-this Friday. I said yes, and then immediately regretted it.

I started calling everyone I knew who might be up & would be down for hearing me freak out.
Friend 1: Go for it. Soldier boy isn’t your boyfriend, and you’re not his girlfriend. It’s not a big deal…
But to me it kind of is, I mean soldier boy is going to be a BEE KEEPER & I am going to be a BEE. I want to give him this weekend to just focus on him.
Friend 2: We hash out that I need to blow off Lunch Date and focus on Soldier Boy.
Friend 3: Shoots me a text & says the same thing & to blame it on her still being in town. Since she’s in town now…
So I call back lunch date, and his phone is off so I have to leave a voice mail. Oh well, at least he knows. I really want to give Soldier boy a super shot and I know if I were hanging out with Lunch Date on Friday & Soldier Boy on Saturday I would be stressing out all week.

S to keep my stress levels down, I’m going to focus on Soldier Boy. I just hope he’s worth it.

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