Monday, June 13, 2011

For my boozy ladies with smart phones.

I am so glad that when my life was dramatic, I didn't have the access to smart phones that ladies do today.
Here are some helpful hints to my girls who love drama, love booze & love to air it all out online.

1. Nothing good ever happens after 3am. If you are up after 3 am, go to sleep.
2. Put your damn phone down. No one really needs to know that you checked into your 3rd bar of the evening, and then you hit up taco bell.
3. Fight with the bouncer? Don't call him out online, you might not get into the club next time?
4. Got so drunk you thought you saw your man & that blonde girl sucking face? Don't slap with your left & tweet with your right.
5. When you break up with your boyfriend after 3am on face book (it's all time-stamped people) people know you got into a drunk brawl (again?). -also who knows what time you'll wake up the next day & who saw your shit go down the night before?
6. You look like a loser when the next day, you are magically back together.
7. Learn when to say no. Drunken one night stands don't look all that pretty the next morning & girl, neither do you!
8. Don't try that trick you read about in cosmo tonight, you're going to pull something.
9. Yes, I think your uncle really did need to see those 7 pics of you & your girl making pursed lips in the bathroom. Take another.
10. Booze bloat doesn't make your skin glow.
11. If you are that drunk, someone might be taking your picture to laugh at with all of their friends.

Ladies, let's get real. I'm really thankful that I didn't have the same kind of access people do these days to the smart phones. I've had my evenings of drunken bad choices. But there has to come a time, where you look at your life & start drinking less & living more.

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