Monday, October 11, 2010

I need to keep busy so I stop checking my phone for your missed call...

I'm doing my best to stay busy right now. I am getting the feeling that I have had before & it's not sitting right with me. So what do I do when I am nervous/scared/feeling alone? I immerse myself into something else. This weekend that something else was going for drinks with my guy friend; we will call him BUDDY, on Friday. The girl he was dating just dumped him. We were both in the need for some distraction & a little drama-free fun. I think I checked my phone about 250 times that evening.

In general I am a slave to my routines. If you have ever dined with me, you will notice that I tend to eat the same things at restaurants. To mix it up & distract me more, we went to a few local bars that I have never been to. It was nice to get a change of scene from the local bar keeps who I was sure were judging me from all of the different guys I was at their bars with through this whole new finding myself process. I was feeling better as the night got longer, but still checking my phone for an inkling of care from LD.

So we are at the last bar & Buddy notices his ex’s roommate across the room, sure enough, his ugly ex is right there. We ignored her & she ended up leaving. I figured this evening would be drama free- but there was total tension in the room. NOTE: This girl HATES me because Buddy is well, a great friend & we have become pretty close in this last year. I guess I was a threat to her, but lady- it's all good, because Buddy & I are just friends.

The evening ended & it was time to go home. I called LD 2x over the day on Friday and got NOTHING back. No text, no call, NO-THING. I was starting to feel like I was being punished for being upset that I was getting blown off-again.

Saturday I went & had breakfast with one of my friends & then I went to hang with my fabulous artist friend in a show she was in downtown. There was some good distraction. Art, good vibes, fabulous people and a great friend. Just what I figured I needed. I even turned my phone on silent for the occasion.

On my way back home I called LD again, I was feeling very insecure & nervous. I was practically holding my breath. He answered & was in the middle of family drama. He kind of copped a tude, but I wasn’t sure if it was just me being sensitive or what. He said he’d call me later & didn’t.

How many times can a girl check her phone?

I have now gone into BUSY MODE. Sunday my friend & I went shopping. Then I came home & rearranged my apartment.

So I start getting annoyed that LD hasn’t called or texted all day again. Thinking WTF, I thought you were different. So I waited, freaked out. Nothing. I talked to another friend & my sister. They told me the same thing; he’s going through A LOT with his family drama & doesn’t have the time to constantly call this one girl he’s kind of seeing. But to me that wasn’t good enough & I didn’t care. THANKFULLY he texted me just a simple “Good Morning” before 8 am on the following Monday. Damn right!!

So I am NOT going to call him tonight. I am going to let him call me. Which I also hate, but maybe I need to play a little harder to get. Maybe I’m doing this wrong?

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