Friday, October 22, 2010

Stop Over Analyzing & Just Be Happy For A Minute!

So it’s been a while & I have been experiencing all of the ups & downs of trying to act cool around LD & totally flipping out because he’s not calling me 24/7. It’s always something with him. It’s his job, it’s his other job, it’s his family, it’s his ex-drama, it’s he’s too tired, it’s hunting, it’s hockey games, it’s never just me. But just when my internal battle comes to a head: Call him OR Delete his number, the air shifts.

I try to live by THE RULE OF 3. If I haven’t heard from you in 3 days, I delete your # no matter how much I think I adore you & how hard the potential of us-Rocked My WORLD!!! I was teetering on the evening of day 3 & I get a call.

This call was explaining the largest drama yet. Apparently he said someone was trying to break into his house. So he was dealing with installing a security system & not sleeping at home for a few nights. He lives in the middle of nowhere on a dead end dirt road, his back yard is a LAKE, has 3 dogs and he sleeps with a gun next to his face. It sounds pretty protected to me…but I guess someone had it out for him?
He did call & explain that all to me though, and said he was sorry & didn’t want me feeling blown off. Me? Oh, I barely noticed you didn’t call at all…. (READS: I have been checking my phone every 2 minutes for the past 72 hours you jerk!). Thankfully, for those 3 days, when I was going through it only a few close friends & my sister knew that I was quite possibly losing my mind.

My sister really “let me have it” too last night. I sent her this email going off on all of my crazy emotions yesterday. She told me that sometimes she thinks that I need someone else to let me know that it’s ok to be happy. I guess I was so used to not being happy, and being told what to do and how to do it, that I kind of got lost in the whole letting myself get happy idea. Then she told me when LD & I get married she wants a cut of the pre-nup since she’s been the one keeping me together so we can be together.

Happy/frightened feeling aside, we set another date for later this week. He called me the following evening & we talked for an hour or so.
He slipped in some rather curious comments. (Caution: over analyzing is about to take place)

1. He was talking about something in his shop (he owns a machine shop…not that I know what that is) and said something like “Every girl I date has to do it”.
2. We were talking about how people were under cutting him on his snow plow business. I said something like he should throw in a gift or something added for value, that wouldn’t cost him anything. Then he says “& I will throw in my girlfriend riding along with me top less while I plow snow.

Yeah I know it’s silly, but the words DATING & GIRLFRIEND are burned into my brain. Also he said something about how I was going to be mad at him because he’s going to a concert on New Year’s Eve. So yes he’s thinking about long term & I am bummed that I wasn’t included (yet?) into the New Year’s Eve plans.

So I am going to do my best to just be happy, for this one minute or two. I’m going to stop overanalyzing and just smile because a seemingly great guy seems into me.

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