Tuesday, January 10, 2012

New Driver's License

My new driver’s license came in the mail the other day. It’s so weird to think about how much I changed since I got my last one. Most noticeably, my hair is curly & blonde & not straight & black. But really, I’m a whole new girl.
In 2008, when I got my driver’s license I thought I was starting over. I just moved back to my home state, after being on a quite miserable self discovery tour of the Midwest. I assumed moving back here meant new beginnings with my old life. My old life in the old state was over. It was time for bliss… or so I assumed.
I moved back in with the person I had been dating since college & settled in to find a new job. Hoping to find a better job than the one I just left. Oddly enough, I can’t get away from my old job title; I’m actually pretty good at what I do.
My old driver’s license was like a battle scar filled with mistakes being covered up by change. I moved 4 times since I moved back to my home state. Each move helped me find a bit more of myself through all of the change & all of the pain that I was experiencing. Sure it wasn’t all bad, but there was a bright glaring lack of good.
I moved back in with my someone, because I didn’t know what else to do & how else to survive. I quickly realized we were in over our heads. So we moved into a place that was going to be easier to survive in. We even got a puppy. The puppy was my best friend, and my escape from the anger, drinking & abuse that was happening all around me.
Finally I ended it. It was my choice & it was brilliant. I was begged not to leave, but I already made up my mind & it scared me. I called my family, broke our lease & moved out about 2 months later.
A new home, a new address on my license, and new beginnings.

Living alone wasn’t easy. It was too quiet, so I got a dog of my own (I didn’t want to share the old dog, that’s just really not possible). So my new dog & I made our home in this new place. There wasn’t a huge learning curve for the two of us. We fit together right at the start.
I started dating again, flopped & then found love. True love.
Then my tiny home that I shared with my tiny dog was filled with more love.
We moved one more time together, this time into a lovely rental house. A house we fill with love & laughter every single day. The house where I said “YES” when he asked me to marry him with his grandmother’s ring.
So on this last birthday, I went to get my new driver’s license & I felt amazing. I felt powerful. I felt like I ruled the world. This is what I look like happy.
The funny thing is, I won’t have this look forever. Soon I will get a new license with a new last name, but for now this is the driver’s license photo where I am happy, full of love & engaged. I’ve never been happier & I think it shows.

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