When left alone too long I start to move on. It’s really interesting to look back at my thoughts of a year ago when I was dating so frequently & try to analyze it here today for others to look at.
LD has been very underwhelming lately. It’s been a lot of broken dates, a lot of broken promises and a lot of alone time.
I should have known better with him, but I put on the blinders & told myself he was different. I thought he could have been the one, because he was so fun & he said all the right things. But he was just as I had feared. He was almost a mirage. He was an opportunistic guy.
Unfortunately, I think he might have been dating someone while he was dating me. Or maybe they were on a break? I’m not sure. It’s not the bliss I was looking for and I seemed pretty OUT of his loop. Sure, he talked about me while he was talking to other people, but there were gaps-long gaps where I felt ignored.
Then I noticed he was listed as “in a relationship” on the face book and we hadn’t spoken about anything like that. He wasn’t all into his FB either. He’s not an internet guy. He’s a hunting guy. He’d rather be outside. So how long was this status up there? I really don’t know. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t have anything to do with me though.
This is kind of gut wrenching. I wanted it to be about me. I wanted it to be that girl. But I put on the blinders; I called a friend & told her that he was listed as in a relationship. We both lied to me and said it was likely about me.
I was sure it wasn’t, but maybe-just maybe- he forgot to change it. It’s not like he updated his wall EVER. So maybe when he started face book he was in a relationship & forgot to change it when he got single.
I really, really want things to work out with LD. So I did what every savvy girl does. I got completely hammered with my friends over the holidays, left the room & called him. I told him that I wanted to be his girlfriend. I wanted it to be just us. I told him I had other people waiting for me, and that he was whom I was choosing. I figured in my drunken state, that he would be flattered. I was CHOOSING him!!
He started to talk & I told him to stop talking. He started back stepping, he didn’t think we were that close, and didn’t really consider us “dating”. I told him then that I was really drunk and that he should just think about what I said & I’d talk to him later.
I called him the next afternoon, hung over & ready to beg for forgiveness. He didn’t answer and I left an extremely awkward voice mail. That was December 26th 2009 & I didn’t hear from him ever again.
I have since however had to speak with him, as I knew him loosely in a professional matter. He makes jokes about how he didn’t know what to say & I told him I was dating someone else. That we started dating while him & had been dating & it floored him. It felt really-really good to shock him. He stuttered. But I got to get back at him & as trivial as that sounds, it felt amazing.
Also I have since looked at his face book again. He was in a relationship with someone else. I’m still not sure if it was the whole time. But the 2 of them are seemingly very much in love.
Good luck & good riddance. At least at the end of the day (though I was pretty drunk) I put myself out there & spoke my mind.
Lesson learned: If they are saying all the right things, it might be rehearsed.