It’s kind of funny the people you will date when you are looking for a change. I went from one TYPE to the next. I was very much into the type of person who was totally self-involved & loved to put me in my place. Maybe I was a glutton for punishment. But if I found someone who was full of themselves, and needed constant pumping up, hell, I’d love to follow you around all day long & tell you how great you are while you cut me down! AWESOME! But I couldn’t break that pattern. I am a total sucker for confidence. I’ll even over look your bad haircut, uni-brow or your weird little tooth as long as you keep telling me how awesome you are, I’m going to believe it!
So I decided to switch it up a bit. I broke down & bought a dating book. Not ANY dating book, but THE Rules. Might I suggest you check out the Top 10 Rules right now!
http://www.therulesbook.com/topten.html
This book has been so slammed by people, men in general, that I was intrigued. My current dating routine wasn’t working, so why not gain a new perspective. I didn’t, at the time, have a single girlfriend to go out prowling with, so why not. I was a RULES girl now.
Some of the rules seemed kind of childish for a while, but I have to give it to these girls, they really made you look at yourself differently & they were working.
So hate on haters, if your current routine isn’t working, I suggest at least keeping these rules in mind. I also suggest finding someone to try them on. I did, and I followed the rules, and you’ll hear about him soon. Just note, that it drove him crazy, and he couldn’t get enough of me, until we got enough of each other.
Soon to come-tails from Cat-Boy & how I learned to use the rules to my advantage.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Don't Rain on my Parade!
I keep having conflicting thoughts on the absence of you in my life. One minute it hits me you aren’t there anymore and I’m taken back. The breath sucked out of my lungs just for a moment. When I hear hilarious songs or say things that used to be inside jokes between us it makes my heart ache.
Where did the days of lounging on the beach harmonizing songs around a campfire?
When did our friendship turn cold?
It started gradually. I have always done my very best to be there for you, especially when you needed me the most. But seasons change & so did you.
One day our phone conversations stopped being two sided. It was just you talking at me & asking my opinion about you & your life. When I would tell you things, deep – personal things that were making my soul crack, you would brush me off. Tell me to get over it, that this kind of thing happens to a lot of people. But it didn’t happen to a lot of people, it was happening to me, your best friend, and I needed you, my best friend to listen & to care & to tell me it was going to be ok.
No matter how you twist my words around, I tried. I tried to be your friend after everything you have put me through this last year. You made me feel horrible. Your pent up anger came hurling towards me at your every will. It came to a point where I stopped calling you, because I knew you wouldn’t answer & if you did, you would start some kind of fight.
Everything revolved around YOU and if something wasn’t going strictly your way, it was a bitch fit festival. You have said some truly mean & nasty things to me this year-but I kept “forgetting about it” because I didn’t want to lose my best friend over something trivial.
You didn’t even call me on my birthday last year. You knew what a hard time I was having with this birthday. This birthday being my first birthday “alone” and though I wasn’t alone, I had never felt more scared as I did that year. But you didn’t try to make it right, you didn’t even call.
I sent you 5 (FIVE) cards, got you a HUGE gift and called your phone singing into your voicemail all day long. It wasn’t a contest as to which of us is a better friend, but clearly I won that dance off.
But like every other time, I let it go & “forgot” about it.
So then the big thing happened that I couldn’t forget. You shared something too personal on that too personal place-face book. You shared something personal, about my family, on FACE BOOK when I told you not to say anything yet? When I asked you to take it down you went AGAIN to FACE BOOK & shared your passive aggressive feelings with the world.
But I did my best to share my feelings privately with you in a mature way. You then twisted my words & attempted to use them against me. So for the 4th time in a calendar year your words or actions have caused us to not speak.
As if throwing the ultimate mini-fit wasn’t enough- you took it to the next level.
You intentionally left me out of the biggest thing that has ever happened in your life.
You left me out. Your maid of honor, the only non relative at your baby shower, the girl who drops everything to be your friend. This girl got left out intentionally to the biggest thing that will ever happen to you.
This action threw me into a deep depression. I didn’t sleep for a few days & when I wasn’t sleeping or working, I was crying.
I decided to take your words to a close friend, or two. I wanted to know if I was in the wrong here. You know what? It wasn’t me; it was you who was in the wrong. Maybe that’s why I had so much trouble getting over this last wronging. I went to my family & friends with my tears over this calendar year & they kept telling me to give you another shot. That a friendship like ours was worth it, but this was feeling more one sided than usual.
Then @ 3am I got a picture mail, days after & all of my anger melted away. Was that message sent to me at the time it was sent to everyone else? Was it sent to me @ 3 am to wake me up? Did my phone not work & it got sent late as hell?
So I did the things I was supposed to do. I ooohed, I ahhed, & I sent the nicest face book messaged & text messages. I even went out & found that card that I bought you-4 months ago for this very day & sent it off.
I figured, sure you were mean & nasty, but your life has just changed for the better & I was willing to let it go once again. I poured my heart out into a gushing card. So that morning, at 11am I ran out to the mailbox & work & sent that hand made card. It was raining, but I wanted to be SURE it went out right away. I skipped back to work because I was so happy for you & for your new life. I couldn’t wait to get more photos & more updates.
1 hour later I came home from lunch & opened up my email. In that inbox was a shitty message to YOU basically telling me to fuck off.
That was the final straw. I should have known you would treat me this way. This same way you treated everyone before me, the way I am sure you will treat those after me.
Do me a favor & delete my email address. I don’t want a form letter sent to me with photos. I’m not looking to get a holiday card. I don’t care to look at your face. Please also don’t contact me when you come to town for the holidays. I’ll be hanging out with my family & my real friends.
I’m glad you are out of my life. I’ve actually never felt happier with out your fake hippy-dippy bullshit pretending to cloud my sunshine. I’m totally over you rain-ing on my parade.
Where did the days of lounging on the beach harmonizing songs around a campfire?
When did our friendship turn cold?
It started gradually. I have always done my very best to be there for you, especially when you needed me the most. But seasons change & so did you.
One day our phone conversations stopped being two sided. It was just you talking at me & asking my opinion about you & your life. When I would tell you things, deep – personal things that were making my soul crack, you would brush me off. Tell me to get over it, that this kind of thing happens to a lot of people. But it didn’t happen to a lot of people, it was happening to me, your best friend, and I needed you, my best friend to listen & to care & to tell me it was going to be ok.
No matter how you twist my words around, I tried. I tried to be your friend after everything you have put me through this last year. You made me feel horrible. Your pent up anger came hurling towards me at your every will. It came to a point where I stopped calling you, because I knew you wouldn’t answer & if you did, you would start some kind of fight.
Everything revolved around YOU and if something wasn’t going strictly your way, it was a bitch fit festival. You have said some truly mean & nasty things to me this year-but I kept “forgetting about it” because I didn’t want to lose my best friend over something trivial.
You didn’t even call me on my birthday last year. You knew what a hard time I was having with this birthday. This birthday being my first birthday “alone” and though I wasn’t alone, I had never felt more scared as I did that year. But you didn’t try to make it right, you didn’t even call.
I sent you 5 (FIVE) cards, got you a HUGE gift and called your phone singing into your voicemail all day long. It wasn’t a contest as to which of us is a better friend, but clearly I won that dance off.
But like every other time, I let it go & “forgot” about it.
So then the big thing happened that I couldn’t forget. You shared something too personal on that too personal place-face book. You shared something personal, about my family, on FACE BOOK when I told you not to say anything yet? When I asked you to take it down you went AGAIN to FACE BOOK & shared your passive aggressive feelings with the world.
But I did my best to share my feelings privately with you in a mature way. You then twisted my words & attempted to use them against me. So for the 4th time in a calendar year your words or actions have caused us to not speak.
As if throwing the ultimate mini-fit wasn’t enough- you took it to the next level.
You intentionally left me out of the biggest thing that has ever happened in your life.
You left me out. Your maid of honor, the only non relative at your baby shower, the girl who drops everything to be your friend. This girl got left out intentionally to the biggest thing that will ever happen to you.
This action threw me into a deep depression. I didn’t sleep for a few days & when I wasn’t sleeping or working, I was crying.
I decided to take your words to a close friend, or two. I wanted to know if I was in the wrong here. You know what? It wasn’t me; it was you who was in the wrong. Maybe that’s why I had so much trouble getting over this last wronging. I went to my family & friends with my tears over this calendar year & they kept telling me to give you another shot. That a friendship like ours was worth it, but this was feeling more one sided than usual.
Then @ 3am I got a picture mail, days after & all of my anger melted away. Was that message sent to me at the time it was sent to everyone else? Was it sent to me @ 3 am to wake me up? Did my phone not work & it got sent late as hell?
So I did the things I was supposed to do. I ooohed, I ahhed, & I sent the nicest face book messaged & text messages. I even went out & found that card that I bought you-4 months ago for this very day & sent it off.
I figured, sure you were mean & nasty, but your life has just changed for the better & I was willing to let it go once again. I poured my heart out into a gushing card. So that morning, at 11am I ran out to the mailbox & work & sent that hand made card. It was raining, but I wanted to be SURE it went out right away. I skipped back to work because I was so happy for you & for your new life. I couldn’t wait to get more photos & more updates.
1 hour later I came home from lunch & opened up my email. In that inbox was a shitty message to YOU basically telling me to fuck off.
That was the final straw. I should have known you would treat me this way. This same way you treated everyone before me, the way I am sure you will treat those after me.
Do me a favor & delete my email address. I don’t want a form letter sent to me with photos. I’m not looking to get a holiday card. I don’t care to look at your face. Please also don’t contact me when you come to town for the holidays. I’ll be hanging out with my family & my real friends.
I’m glad you are out of my life. I’ve actually never felt happier with out your fake hippy-dippy bullshit pretending to cloud my sunshine. I’m totally over you rain-ing on my parade.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
The end of an LD Era.
When left alone too long I start to move on. It’s really interesting to look back at my thoughts of a year ago when I was dating so frequently & try to analyze it here today for others to look at.
LD has been very underwhelming lately. It’s been a lot of broken dates, a lot of broken promises and a lot of alone time.
I should have known better with him, but I put on the blinders & told myself he was different. I thought he could have been the one, because he was so fun & he said all the right things. But he was just as I had feared. He was almost a mirage. He was an opportunistic guy.
Unfortunately, I think he might have been dating someone while he was dating me. Or maybe they were on a break? I’m not sure. It’s not the bliss I was looking for and I seemed pretty OUT of his loop. Sure, he talked about me while he was talking to other people, but there were gaps-long gaps where I felt ignored.
Then I noticed he was listed as “in a relationship” on the face book and we hadn’t spoken about anything like that. He wasn’t all into his FB either. He’s not an internet guy. He’s a hunting guy. He’d rather be outside. So how long was this status up there? I really don’t know. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t have anything to do with me though.
This is kind of gut wrenching. I wanted it to be about me. I wanted it to be that girl. But I put on the blinders; I called a friend & told her that he was listed as in a relationship. We both lied to me and said it was likely about me.
I was sure it wasn’t, but maybe-just maybe- he forgot to change it. It’s not like he updated his wall EVER. So maybe when he started face book he was in a relationship & forgot to change it when he got single.
I really, really want things to work out with LD. So I did what every savvy girl does. I got completely hammered with my friends over the holidays, left the room & called him. I told him that I wanted to be his girlfriend. I wanted it to be just us. I told him I had other people waiting for me, and that he was whom I was choosing. I figured in my drunken state, that he would be flattered. I was CHOOSING him!!
He started to talk & I told him to stop talking. He started back stepping, he didn’t think we were that close, and didn’t really consider us “dating”. I told him then that I was really drunk and that he should just think about what I said & I’d talk to him later.
I called him the next afternoon, hung over & ready to beg for forgiveness. He didn’t answer and I left an extremely awkward voice mail. That was December 26th 2009 & I didn’t hear from him ever again.
I have since however had to speak with him, as I knew him loosely in a professional matter. He makes jokes about how he didn’t know what to say & I told him I was dating someone else. That we started dating while him & had been dating & it floored him. It felt really-really good to shock him. He stuttered. But I got to get back at him & as trivial as that sounds, it felt amazing.
Also I have since looked at his face book again. He was in a relationship with someone else. I’m still not sure if it was the whole time. But the 2 of them are seemingly very much in love.
Good luck & good riddance. At least at the end of the day (though I was pretty drunk) I put myself out there & spoke my mind.
Lesson learned: If they are saying all the right things, it might be rehearsed.
LD has been very underwhelming lately. It’s been a lot of broken dates, a lot of broken promises and a lot of alone time.
I should have known better with him, but I put on the blinders & told myself he was different. I thought he could have been the one, because he was so fun & he said all the right things. But he was just as I had feared. He was almost a mirage. He was an opportunistic guy.
Unfortunately, I think he might have been dating someone while he was dating me. Or maybe they were on a break? I’m not sure. It’s not the bliss I was looking for and I seemed pretty OUT of his loop. Sure, he talked about me while he was talking to other people, but there were gaps-long gaps where I felt ignored.
Then I noticed he was listed as “in a relationship” on the face book and we hadn’t spoken about anything like that. He wasn’t all into his FB either. He’s not an internet guy. He’s a hunting guy. He’d rather be outside. So how long was this status up there? I really don’t know. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t have anything to do with me though.
This is kind of gut wrenching. I wanted it to be about me. I wanted it to be that girl. But I put on the blinders; I called a friend & told her that he was listed as in a relationship. We both lied to me and said it was likely about me.
I was sure it wasn’t, but maybe-just maybe- he forgot to change it. It’s not like he updated his wall EVER. So maybe when he started face book he was in a relationship & forgot to change it when he got single.
I really, really want things to work out with LD. So I did what every savvy girl does. I got completely hammered with my friends over the holidays, left the room & called him. I told him that I wanted to be his girlfriend. I wanted it to be just us. I told him I had other people waiting for me, and that he was whom I was choosing. I figured in my drunken state, that he would be flattered. I was CHOOSING him!!
He started to talk & I told him to stop talking. He started back stepping, he didn’t think we were that close, and didn’t really consider us “dating”. I told him then that I was really drunk and that he should just think about what I said & I’d talk to him later.
I called him the next afternoon, hung over & ready to beg for forgiveness. He didn’t answer and I left an extremely awkward voice mail. That was December 26th 2009 & I didn’t hear from him ever again.
I have since however had to speak with him, as I knew him loosely in a professional matter. He makes jokes about how he didn’t know what to say & I told him I was dating someone else. That we started dating while him & had been dating & it floored him. It felt really-really good to shock him. He stuttered. But I got to get back at him & as trivial as that sounds, it felt amazing.
Also I have since looked at his face book again. He was in a relationship with someone else. I’m still not sure if it was the whole time. But the 2 of them are seemingly very much in love.
Good luck & good riddance. At least at the end of the day (though I was pretty drunk) I put myself out there & spoke my mind.
Lesson learned: If they are saying all the right things, it might be rehearsed.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Reacting to your exes happiness
I have come to the realization from personal events & today’s headlines that maybe people/friends/onlookers/family will NEVER get past your one big break up.
I mean if Jessica Simpson-who is totally famous- is expected to react to her ex getting engaged- 5 plus years after they broke up, then I guess I should just always expect to get a nice face punch every time one of my friends remembers the good old days. Remember that one time, 6 years ago when it was fun? Sure I do, gee-wiz that I was a great time.
It’s like I too can’t escape it, years later, my big break up still haunts me. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, dinner with friends, sporting event, bonfire-somehow it all seems to roll back to that one big break up. Even people, who I really don’t know at all, know about my break up. These people being friends of friends, people I know in passing. Like my break up was something that my friends decided to talk about when I wasn’t around to someone I really didn’t know.
I hope there was some kind of learning experience involved where I came out the princess. I always want to come out the princess.
I hope people do learn from my break up & I do try to teach my friends lessons from other friend’s misfortunate relationships. But I don’t want to talk about it over & over & over again. I blocked them on face book for a reason y’all!
Like Jessica Simpson, I wasn’t the first to move on. Jessica & I have both had a few failed relationships while our exes seem to be living the dream right in front of our faces. Though my ex is clearly dating down (I wish I could show you a pic of this pig), it still doesn’t help to know that my ex is happy without me. I mean come on- who’s happy without this? I’d like to think my ex is miserable, but that’s just me.
But to ask Jessica to react to her ex getting engaged, well I just think that’s a low blow. I think Jessica is over Nick and doesn’t care if he gets married or jumps off a cliff. I think what the hard thing is, to know he moved on first & more successfully. That’s the gut wrenching detail!
So if you cornered me and asked me how I felt that the person I used to love got engaged after we didn’t work out, I would tell you I didn’t care. Thanks for bringing it up & potentially ruining my day. Then I would go home, reflect on it a bit & move on. Sure it would throw me off for a few minutes, but come on- it’s been years now.
So let the girl be. She doesn’t care & doesn’t need YOU to remind her every time she leaves the house! That goes double for me. Leave me alone & stop bringing up my past already. I’m ready to name drop when you are the next time you are ready!! Remember that one time in college that YOU did that one thing with that one guy.... YUP... I do too!!!
But I guess it could be worse, I could be Jennifer Anniston.... that poor girl is never going to get a break.
I mean if Jessica Simpson-who is totally famous- is expected to react to her ex getting engaged- 5 plus years after they broke up, then I guess I should just always expect to get a nice face punch every time one of my friends remembers the good old days. Remember that one time, 6 years ago when it was fun? Sure I do, gee-wiz that I was a great time.
It’s like I too can’t escape it, years later, my big break up still haunts me. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, dinner with friends, sporting event, bonfire-somehow it all seems to roll back to that one big break up. Even people, who I really don’t know at all, know about my break up. These people being friends of friends, people I know in passing. Like my break up was something that my friends decided to talk about when I wasn’t around to someone I really didn’t know.
I hope there was some kind of learning experience involved where I came out the princess. I always want to come out the princess.
I hope people do learn from my break up & I do try to teach my friends lessons from other friend’s misfortunate relationships. But I don’t want to talk about it over & over & over again. I blocked them on face book for a reason y’all!
Like Jessica Simpson, I wasn’t the first to move on. Jessica & I have both had a few failed relationships while our exes seem to be living the dream right in front of our faces. Though my ex is clearly dating down (I wish I could show you a pic of this pig), it still doesn’t help to know that my ex is happy without me. I mean come on- who’s happy without this? I’d like to think my ex is miserable, but that’s just me.
But to ask Jessica to react to her ex getting engaged, well I just think that’s a low blow. I think Jessica is over Nick and doesn’t care if he gets married or jumps off a cliff. I think what the hard thing is, to know he moved on first & more successfully. That’s the gut wrenching detail!
So if you cornered me and asked me how I felt that the person I used to love got engaged after we didn’t work out, I would tell you I didn’t care. Thanks for bringing it up & potentially ruining my day. Then I would go home, reflect on it a bit & move on. Sure it would throw me off for a few minutes, but come on- it’s been years now.
So let the girl be. She doesn’t care & doesn’t need YOU to remind her every time she leaves the house! That goes double for me. Leave me alone & stop bringing up my past already. I’m ready to name drop when you are the next time you are ready!! Remember that one time in college that YOU did that one thing with that one guy.... YUP... I do too!!!
But I guess it could be worse, I could be Jennifer Anniston.... that poor girl is never going to get a break.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Is the message always the same?
LD called me and told me his phone was broken. So he had to go to the Sprint store. I met him there and it seemed like we were there FOREVER. That place is like a vortex for time. It’s just as bad as going to the DMV, because they really don’t’ seem to care about you. People we just chatting, and hanging out and taking breaks, and we were just stuck there…waiting.
Then we went to TGI Friday’s and had dinner. Like a real, actual date. He had to call his mom while I was with him & he told her he was with me. Dinner was really good, and we had quite a few laughs. I like hanging out with him, because I don’t even have to pretend to pay. He was holding doors for me, & putting his hand on my back when we were walking. At dinner we both talked about how we aren’t going to see anyone else right now. Which is really great if you ask me. I don’t want to have to think about him seeing someone else and I don’t want him to worry the same. I tend to open up too much when he’s around. Like my mouth is a waterfall of information. I told him I was seeing someone else when we went to lunch, but I wasn’t seeing him the last time we were together.
He took me back to my car & we headed over to his house for a few after dinner drinks. I could talk to him all day. He’s just so damn cute. It’s safe to say I’m smitten. I left my necklace over there. I HATE leaving things at people’s house.
It’s supposed to snow tomorrow here which means he’s about to be even more unavailable. But I know that, and he knows how I hate being ignored. So I think it will be fine. Plus he plows an apartment complex near me, so he’s just going to have to come over when he’s done.
I feel like I am slowly turning a corner with LD. Like I am moving slowly towards the beginning, but I know I need to watch my temper & make sure to not give away all of my secrets too soon. A girl needs to have a bit of mystery still...right?
Then we went to TGI Friday’s and had dinner. Like a real, actual date. He had to call his mom while I was with him & he told her he was with me. Dinner was really good, and we had quite a few laughs. I like hanging out with him, because I don’t even have to pretend to pay. He was holding doors for me, & putting his hand on my back when we were walking. At dinner we both talked about how we aren’t going to see anyone else right now. Which is really great if you ask me. I don’t want to have to think about him seeing someone else and I don’t want him to worry the same. I tend to open up too much when he’s around. Like my mouth is a waterfall of information. I told him I was seeing someone else when we went to lunch, but I wasn’t seeing him the last time we were together.
He took me back to my car & we headed over to his house for a few after dinner drinks. I could talk to him all day. He’s just so damn cute. It’s safe to say I’m smitten. I left my necklace over there. I HATE leaving things at people’s house.
It’s supposed to snow tomorrow here which means he’s about to be even more unavailable. But I know that, and he knows how I hate being ignored. So I think it will be fine. Plus he plows an apartment complex near me, so he’s just going to have to come over when he’s done.
I feel like I am slowly turning a corner with LD. Like I am moving slowly towards the beginning, but I know I need to watch my temper & make sure to not give away all of my secrets too soon. A girl needs to have a bit of mystery still...right?
Friday, October 22, 2010
Stop Over Analyzing & Just Be Happy For A Minute!
So it’s been a while & I have been experiencing all of the ups & downs of trying to act cool around LD & totally flipping out because he’s not calling me 24/7. It’s always something with him. It’s his job, it’s his other job, it’s his family, it’s his ex-drama, it’s he’s too tired, it’s hunting, it’s hockey games, it’s never just me. But just when my internal battle comes to a head: Call him OR Delete his number, the air shifts.
I try to live by THE RULE OF 3. If I haven’t heard from you in 3 days, I delete your # no matter how much I think I adore you & how hard the potential of us-Rocked My WORLD!!! I was teetering on the evening of day 3 & I get a call.
This call was explaining the largest drama yet. Apparently he said someone was trying to break into his house. So he was dealing with installing a security system & not sleeping at home for a few nights. He lives in the middle of nowhere on a dead end dirt road, his back yard is a LAKE, has 3 dogs and he sleeps with a gun next to his face. It sounds pretty protected to me…but I guess someone had it out for him?
He did call & explain that all to me though, and said he was sorry & didn’t want me feeling blown off. Me? Oh, I barely noticed you didn’t call at all…. (READS: I have been checking my phone every 2 minutes for the past 72 hours you jerk!). Thankfully, for those 3 days, when I was going through it only a few close friends & my sister knew that I was quite possibly losing my mind.
My sister really “let me have it” too last night. I sent her this email going off on all of my crazy emotions yesterday. She told me that sometimes she thinks that I need someone else to let me know that it’s ok to be happy. I guess I was so used to not being happy, and being told what to do and how to do it, that I kind of got lost in the whole letting myself get happy idea. Then she told me when LD & I get married she wants a cut of the pre-nup since she’s been the one keeping me together so we can be together.
Happy/frightened feeling aside, we set another date for later this week. He called me the following evening & we talked for an hour or so.
He slipped in some rather curious comments. (Caution: over analyzing is about to take place)
1. He was talking about something in his shop (he owns a machine shop…not that I know what that is) and said something like “Every girl I date has to do it”.
2. We were talking about how people were under cutting him on his snow plow business. I said something like he should throw in a gift or something added for value, that wouldn’t cost him anything. Then he says “& I will throw in my girlfriend riding along with me top less while I plow snow.
Yeah I know it’s silly, but the words DATING & GIRLFRIEND are burned into my brain. Also he said something about how I was going to be mad at him because he’s going to a concert on New Year’s Eve. So yes he’s thinking about long term & I am bummed that I wasn’t included (yet?) into the New Year’s Eve plans.
So I am going to do my best to just be happy, for this one minute or two. I’m going to stop overanalyzing and just smile because a seemingly great guy seems into me.
I try to live by THE RULE OF 3. If I haven’t heard from you in 3 days, I delete your # no matter how much I think I adore you & how hard the potential of us-Rocked My WORLD!!! I was teetering on the evening of day 3 & I get a call.
This call was explaining the largest drama yet. Apparently he said someone was trying to break into his house. So he was dealing with installing a security system & not sleeping at home for a few nights. He lives in the middle of nowhere on a dead end dirt road, his back yard is a LAKE, has 3 dogs and he sleeps with a gun next to his face. It sounds pretty protected to me…but I guess someone had it out for him?
He did call & explain that all to me though, and said he was sorry & didn’t want me feeling blown off. Me? Oh, I barely noticed you didn’t call at all…. (READS: I have been checking my phone every 2 minutes for the past 72 hours you jerk!). Thankfully, for those 3 days, when I was going through it only a few close friends & my sister knew that I was quite possibly losing my mind.
My sister really “let me have it” too last night. I sent her this email going off on all of my crazy emotions yesterday. She told me that sometimes she thinks that I need someone else to let me know that it’s ok to be happy. I guess I was so used to not being happy, and being told what to do and how to do it, that I kind of got lost in the whole letting myself get happy idea. Then she told me when LD & I get married she wants a cut of the pre-nup since she’s been the one keeping me together so we can be together.
Happy/frightened feeling aside, we set another date for later this week. He called me the following evening & we talked for an hour or so.
He slipped in some rather curious comments. (Caution: over analyzing is about to take place)
1. He was talking about something in his shop (he owns a machine shop…not that I know what that is) and said something like “Every girl I date has to do it”.
2. We were talking about how people were under cutting him on his snow plow business. I said something like he should throw in a gift or something added for value, that wouldn’t cost him anything. Then he says “& I will throw in my girlfriend riding along with me top less while I plow snow.
Yeah I know it’s silly, but the words DATING & GIRLFRIEND are burned into my brain. Also he said something about how I was going to be mad at him because he’s going to a concert on New Year’s Eve. So yes he’s thinking about long term & I am bummed that I wasn’t included (yet?) into the New Year’s Eve plans.
So I am going to do my best to just be happy, for this one minute or two. I’m going to stop overanalyzing and just smile because a seemingly great guy seems into me.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
30 things I love about myself.
With my 30th birthday breathing down my neck, I have decided to name 30 thing I love about myself. This was a LOT harder than I thought it was going to be. So when it the last time you gave a little self love?
1. I am a wonderful daughter, sister & friend.
2. I am the best dog mom ever
3. I am witty
4. I have learned when to speak my mind & when to keep my opinions to myself (at least for the most part)
5. When I am outside, I feel the most at peace
6. I’m a fabulous listener
7. I am a lyrical genius
8. I crack inappropriate jokes 24/7
9. I am a neat freak- in a good way
10. I love to win
11. I am generous with my time & myself
12. Entertaining is one of my favorite things
13. It took a long time, but I live my life with no regrets
14. I learned how to love time alone
15. I make a wickedly mean sangria that tends to bite after the 2nd glass
16. I love learning
17. I still have faith in people I do not know
18. I am a sucker for romance & love
19. I try to include everyone
20. I love arranging my home & other people’s homes.
21. My hair is amaze-balls
22. I rock my gift of song
23. I don’t smoke anymore
24. I think best on my feet
25. I am a hugger by nature
26. Problem solving is never a problem
27. My freckles are adorable
28. I will do something hilarious in public to make someone laugh
29. I might not be the best dancer but I love to move & groove!
30. Every morning I do my best to start out fresh.
1. I am a wonderful daughter, sister & friend.
2. I am the best dog mom ever
3. I am witty
4. I have learned when to speak my mind & when to keep my opinions to myself (at least for the most part)
5. When I am outside, I feel the most at peace
6. I’m a fabulous listener
7. I am a lyrical genius
8. I crack inappropriate jokes 24/7
9. I am a neat freak- in a good way
10. I love to win
11. I am generous with my time & myself
12. Entertaining is one of my favorite things
13. It took a long time, but I live my life with no regrets
14. I learned how to love time alone
15. I make a wickedly mean sangria that tends to bite after the 2nd glass
16. I love learning
17. I still have faith in people I do not know
18. I am a sucker for romance & love
19. I try to include everyone
20. I love arranging my home & other people’s homes.
21. My hair is amaze-balls
22. I rock my gift of song
23. I don’t smoke anymore
24. I think best on my feet
25. I am a hugger by nature
26. Problem solving is never a problem
27. My freckles are adorable
28. I will do something hilarious in public to make someone laugh
29. I might not be the best dancer but I love to move & groove!
30. Every morning I do my best to start out fresh.
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