Always remember

Some people are worth fighting for, but for the most part- the ones worth fighting for, won't make you fight. Clear drama from your life & get happy. This too shall pass.

New Driver's License

My new driver’s license came in the mail the other day. It’s so weird to think about how much I changed since I got my last one. Most noticeably, my hair is curly & blonde & not straight & black. But really, I’m a whole new girl.
In 2008, when I got my driver’s license I thought I was starting over. I just moved back to my home state, after being on a quite miserable self discovery tour of the Midwest. I assumed moving back here meant new beginnings with my old life. My old life in the old state was over. It was time for bliss… or so I assumed.
I moved back in with the person I had been dating since college & settled in to find a new job. Hoping to find a better job than the one I just left. Oddly enough, I can’t get away from my old job title; I’m actually pretty good at what I do.
My old driver’s license was like a battle scar filled with mistakes being covered up by change. I moved 4 times since I moved back to my home state. Each move helped me find a bit more of myself through all of the change & all of the pain that I was experiencing. Sure it wasn’t all bad, but there was a bright glaring lack of good.
I moved back in with my someone, because I didn’t know what else to do & how else to survive. I quickly realized we were in over our heads. So we moved into a place that was going to be easier to survive in. We even got a puppy. The puppy was my best friend, and my escape from the anger, drinking & abuse that was happening all around me.
Finally I ended it. It was my choice & it was brilliant. I was begged not to leave, but I already made up my mind & it scared me. I called my family, broke our lease & moved out about 2 months later.
A new home, a new address on my license, and new beginnings.

Living alone wasn’t easy. It was too quiet, so I got a dog of my own (I didn’t want to share the old dog, that’s just really not possible). So my new dog & I made our home in this new place. There wasn’t a huge learning curve for the two of us. We fit together right at the start.
I started dating again, flopped & then found love. True love.
Then my tiny home that I shared with my tiny dog was filled with more love.
We moved one more time together, this time into a lovely rental house. A house we fill with love & laughter every single day. The house where I said “YES” when he asked me to marry him with his grandmother’s ring.
So on this last birthday, I went to get my new driver’s license & I felt amazing. I felt powerful. I felt like I ruled the world. This is what I look like happy.
The funny thing is, I won’t have this look forever. Soon I will get a new license with a new last name, but for now this is the driver’s license photo where I am happy, full of love & engaged. I’ve never been happier & I think it shows.

Q & A Bewildered in Belleville

Dear KK
I have been hanging out with a girl for a few weeks. (no penetration) The other day during a phone conversation she referred to me as her boyfriend. I did not correct her however, I am NOT her boyfriend.. How do I fix this?
Bewildered in Belleville

Mr Bewildered,
You should have been calling her to correct the error before typing me. Sorry to break it to you Mr. Bewildered, but this girl is now your girlfriend. She has already told all of her friends, her mother, and is very excited to get or send that Relationship Request on face book.
It's strange to me that a few dates over time & "no penetration" as you put it would result in someone thinking that they are your girlfriend. In this sexually charged world we live in today, one would think a few rolls in the hay would have to go down before someone is actually your boyfriend/girlfriend (I mean what if they suck in the sack?), unless the case is they are Religious or a Virgin.
Regardless, is it such a bad thing if this person wants you to be their #1? Are you ready to JUST SAY NO to any other conquests? I think if you like her & have been dating her for a period of time that you are now her boyfriend.
If you are thinking you don't want to be her boyfriend, and too much time as passed (any more than 5 minutes is too long, but if more than one day has gone by, it's BF/GF time!) you are going to have to break up with her. At least you could get lucky with break up sex.
What it all breaks down to is that you didn't correct her right away & I think you like the possibility or the idea of being her girlfriend. You should probably buy her flowers.
Good luck & keep me posted!

If you have relationship questions you would like me to answer, please send me a message.

I found my best friend.

I am in love.

Crazy. Freaking insanely in love. My man is MY BEST FRIEND. I never knew that love like this was possible. I have dated people in the past, but never found that true connection that takes a person to the one.

We have shared dreams & ideas about the future. We laugh every single day. We take care of each other. We trust each other. We enjoy the same things. We don’t necessarily like the same music, but we can compromise with the Beatles. We talk every day for hours. We enjoy each other’s company-truly enjoy it.

I want to give a shout out to my girls who love their men & are HAPPY, everyday, in love.

Cheers to you:

Lindsay.Sarah.Lindsey. Barbie.Marcy.Mary.Amanda.Mary.Tiffany.Dawn.

And all of my other girls who are crazy, happy in love. I appreciate the bliss in your voice when I see how happy you really are. It’s refreshing to have more girls in happy good relationships!

Keep looking for your best friend, you can be this happy too!!

For my boozy ladies with smart phones.

I am so glad that when my life was dramatic, I didn't have the access to smart phones that ladies do today.
Here are some helpful hints to my girls who love drama, love booze & love to air it all out online.

1. Nothing good ever happens after 3am. If you are up after 3 am, go to sleep.
2. Put your damn phone down. No one really needs to know that you checked into your 3rd bar of the evening, and then you hit up taco bell.
3. Fight with the bouncer? Don't call him out online, you might not get into the club next time?
4. Got so drunk you thought you saw your man & that blonde girl sucking face? Don't slap with your left & tweet with your right.
5. When you break up with your boyfriend after 3am on face book (it's all time-stamped people) people know you got into a drunk brawl (again?). -also who knows what time you'll wake up the next day & who saw your shit go down the night before?
6. You look like a loser when the next day, you are magically back together.
7. Learn when to say no. Drunken one night stands don't look all that pretty the next morning & girl, neither do you!
8. Don't try that trick you read about in cosmo tonight, you're going to pull something.
9. Yes, I think your uncle really did need to see those 7 pics of you & your girl making pursed lips in the bathroom. Take another.
10. Booze bloat doesn't make your skin glow.
11. If you are that drunk, someone might be taking your picture to laugh at with all of their friends.

Ladies, let's get real. I'm really thankful that I didn't have the same kind of access people do these days to the smart phones. I've had my evenings of drunken bad choices. But there has to come a time, where you look at your life & start drinking less & living more.

Watching from the outside.

A pang of guilt, a pang of horror & a realization of if I had known, it wouldn’t have made it any better.

Being able to watch a breakup from the outside is hard when you know both parties. It’s even harder when you understand their reasons for parting ways, but still liked them better together. But it’s not your relationship, so you can rally for them to be together but ultimately you have to watch from the sidelines.

It was her idea. She couldn’t handle the distance. She was the breaker-upper. She’s having the hard time; he’s already seeing someone else in an intimate fashion. He wasn’t happy with the break up, but when he got back into town, he took her out to a really nice dinner. This sends mixed signals.

I am a firm believer when there is a break up, there should be a TRUE break. You shouldn’t hang out here & there or still call or text each other. The reason being is ultimately someone can’t handle it as well as the other can.

She couldn’t handle it. She drank & drank & drank & tried to pretend that it didn’t hurt seeing him. Maybe to people from the outside she looked like she was having fun. I could tell she wasn’t.

Then a bomb went off. I got word that he was seeing someone else. How am I supposed to react to something like that? Oh hi lady, things are good, I’m sure you’ll see him later, just to hang out, like you used to….

Oh wait… no you won’t….because he’s with a new girl.

So I feel in the middle. He was my friend first, but because of their dating, she became my good girl friend. He’s moved on, and she’s still stuck in the glimmers of hope of the past.

It rips my soul apart and makes me almost angry. I remember my cheating ex, I know people knew that my ex was moving on with someone for months while we were together & then in my face-in my house-when we were broken up, but no one would tell me to my face.

Now I sit here with this little bit of information & my scars feel fresh again. No one told me, I found out myself. After my new found secret I sat down to a beautifully prepared meal of self-loathing, denial, and anger and washed it down with a huge glass of pity party.

But I can’t be the one to tell her. I’m just going to let her move on her own way. I can’t do it to her & I really can’t do it to him.

Right now I’m torn, but I’m going to keep my perfect nose out of it.

#15

#15

Oh little apartment, all 625 sq ft of you, of thee I sing. A gold key opens your door & helped me turn my life around.

I came into you when my life was seemed to be in shambles. I didn’t know quite who I was anymore. I wasn’t sure of anything-but you were all I had.

I hadn’t ever been alone once in my life and I felt like something was missing. I found my little best friend from 2 grainy pictures online. We were both looking for someone to love & a fresh start. Ever since that day, I wake up every single morning to love.

A gift from an angel helped my life get on track. I don’t know how I would have managed those first few months with out it. Thank you.

I turned this place into my own. I had never been able to really create my own space before, where only what I liked mattered. I created my home.

I can’t say living along was always easy. There were a few times when I had to remind myself that I was the only one paying all of the bills. A few bad decisions were made. There were nights when I was scared, unsure, and couldn’t stop crying. But I had my little best friend and the most amazing support group ever which helped me forge ahead.

#15 became my cocoon. I first opened the door as one being, and I grew inside its walls & in a few days I am going to emerge from this place a totally different, radiant person.

I found my self. I found understanding. I found love. I found my way. I found peace. I found strength.

Thank you #15 for everything then, now & for the rest of my life.